Thursday, December 30, 2010

December 30th update


Thank God that He continues to show me how much I need to ask Him to help me listen, surrender to Him, and trust Him…

Listening—God continues to remind me of the powerful need to listen…  Not just to be silent and pay attention, but to actually relax and open up to everything being communicated all around me—verbally and otherwise.  So often I can be quick to respond to a person out of a desire to help them because I AM actively listening, but in truth it takes time for everything to fully soak in—to not just hear the words and ideas someone wants to communicate, but to feel/discern what is going on.  Listening isn’t even just about body language—I believe it is about subtler things that we don’t even realize we sense and cannot fully be aware of if we are too actively listening to the words and ideas someone is communicating…  We can easily get lost in the ideas and, out of a desire to help a person, miss a person…  I continue to have to ask God to help me remember to listen in everything…

Faith and surrender—God also keeps helping me slowly learn to trust Him more.  I have seen Him time and again keep His word and answer my prayers directly.  It’s not even subtle now that He’s opened my eyes further so I can see Him and the spiritual war around us better…  He is so obviously moving and answering my prayers and the prayers of many around me.  He has provided for me financially EVERY month over the past six—even when it seemed there was no way I was going to make it.  He is obviously directly working in the lives of those I am praying with and in my life.  People are being healed, hearts and minds opened, and His joy continues to grow in those who know Him.  In my younger days I thought miracles were a thing of the distant past, but they do happen all around and frequently—I just could not see them.  

God continues to transform me and patiently show me that, yes, indeed, I can trust Him with everything.  He also continues to show me that the good works He has built me for ahead of time are far better than even the best dream I could have for myself and the best I could attain for myself if I sought to build my kingdom instead of His.  I struggle sometimes—worrying about finances or about the darkness attacking some of the people around me or about having a spouse one day.  Each time that I pick up one of those worries it bears me down, and God has to remind me that it IS too heavy for me because these things MUST be in His hands and His alone.  He’s got it in control and has better control than I do.  I keep re-learning that there’s a reason He says His burden is light and easy to carry and that we must lose our lives to find TRUE LIFE…  If we do not ‘pick up our crosses daily’ and ‘offer ourselves as living sacrifices’, we end up pulling our lives back out of the hands of the only one who can help us.  He gives us free choice, so He lets me pick that load up and place it foolishly back on my shoulders.  In my limited knowledge and wisdom I take control and try to make things better for myself or others, but I cannot help others in my strength as well as God can help them or direct me to help them.  In my own life I end up building my kingdom instead of His, and that leaves me with my own lesser dreams and lesser capabilities to attain them (and actually builds up Satan’s kingdom).  The good works God has prepared for me, the adventures He gives me daily in the life I am BUILT to live, the blessings He gives me, and the growth He gives me in love when I surrender and live for His kingdom are so much more amazing than anything I could get myself.  All He has to do is remind me of that AND that when I let go of the heavy load of leading a lesser life, He not only gives me the life He has built me for, but also grants me relief from all the stresses and worry I was picking up.  They are back in the hands of the only one who can handle them (and in fact have always been partially in those hands, for even when we yank back the reigns and pick bad things for ourselves He continually calls to us and gives us opportunities for the evil to be used for at least some good).  Thanks be for that!  It’s so foolish not to trust God and to worry.  Thank God for His patience with me in CONTINUALLY showing me that!  His patience and love ARE unmatched… 

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